I’m purdy.
18/02/2010
Just got back from the Berlin film festival and but. of. course. the one paparazzi pic I end up in is post 17 hours of puking due to a stomach virus, and complete with a double chin. Thanks a lot, Universe.
I got a call this morning from my Aunt Connie (my mother’s sister) which I let mosey on into voicemail since I hadn’t had my morning coffee yet and let’s be honest, family catch up calls can be so long and…involved. She and her husband are flying down next weekend for a huge Bauer Pottery sale (we all have our little quirks), so I figured she was just seeking trivial information like my street address or if I want to meet up for lunch.
Flash forward a couple hours and she calls…again. I’m elbow deep in dishes so I ignore, but can’t help but wonder where the sudden interest in stalking me is stemming from? Both of her messages are borderline nonchalant. Simply “hey, it’s Connie, give me a call when you have a second.” But twice in as many hours? I decide to bite the bullet, and if there were an award for ripping off the band-aid, Auntie C would win it.
Connie: “Caitlin!”
me: “hey!”
Connie: “your mom had a stroke. she’s fine.”
Uh, I’m sorry, what the fuckety fuck?!?!
Apparently, my mother’s leg started to feel a bit wonky late last night. Set to fly to Beijing this morning, she decided to wait it out and see how she felt in a few hours. After failing miserably to catch some shuteye, running to the bathroom after a phantom face tingle ignited the hypochondriac in her to ensure she could still smile, and just plain not wanting to take a risk, she called the EMTs to take her to the hospital at 4 this morning.
Her bloodwork was completely clean, blood pressure looked great, and for all intents and purposes, she was fine. According to the neurosurgeon on duty (thank God for small favors), she technically suffered a teeny tiny baby stroke that is shockingly common for folks over 60.
New meds, a new diet and a newly adopted motto on my part of “answer every phone call I EVER get from now on” should ensure this type of dramz doesn’t go down again, but sweet Christ! Talk about a case of the Mondays…
Hallelujah for deep breaths and a huge helping of Jenny’s homemade apple pie. Let the self-medication commence.
simply stunning.
02/10/2009
One of my girlfriends is in Amsterdam as we speak, and I literally just lectured her on how she cannot leave town before visiting AF’s house.
Michelle, I really hope you made it.
“Forgive me, Kitty, they don’t call me a bundle of contradictions for nothing!”
gorge.
10/09/2009
pourtant. pourtant. pourtant.
14/05/2009
ay dios mio!
13/05/2009
T: There’s a hilarious irony in sitting in a planned parenthood office in k-town where they are playing a tv program on high force water jet stream explosions.
moi: hahaha. please tell me you’re just picking up birth control…
T: No, life is so much more exciting when there’s a threat of pregnancy and not knowing who the father is. I’m just getting tests 4 good measure.
moi: Jesus christ. You’re like a fucking telenovela.
well baby, daddy is either a half japanese comic who’s a pro @ pulling hair, or an alcoholic ex-mormon with anger issues…
T: you just painted me a picture where there’s a clear winner, thank you.
moi: shall I put “debasing fuck buddies” on my CV?
T: I just realized that I def look like the most normal person in this waiting room, yet I’d bet I’m the most scandalous by far under this facade.
moi: you’d make a great spy…if loose morals were under threat by terrorists.
that’s why I keep her around…
29/04/2009
that and her kickass dance moves.
you know just what to say to a girl.
26/04/2009
Jimmy: Do you Pandora?
moi: I have, I don’t regularly.
Jimmy: I feel like there should be a blog/tv station/radio station/magazine that you do…minutely.
moi: I do have fantastic taste in music.
Jimmy: you have fantastic taste in life.
and I’m not even trying to get into your pants.
tales from across the pond…
26/04/2009
It’s hard to believe Betsy’s been in Scotland a year already (she’s earning her Doctorate at the University of Sterling re: chimpanzee cognition. I know, right? And I’m watching a snowy marathon of Millionaire Matchmaker on bootlegged cable). Fast on the path towards becoming the next David Attenborough, we just had a lovely Sunday chat where she enlightened me on some British slang she apparently made the mistake of dropping in her final interview.
“I told them I had great follow through when it came to my work ethic.”
follow through: to accidentally soil ones underpants whilst attempting to fart; to obtain russet gusset: drop a pebble (qv).
R.I.P. Bea Arthur (1922-2009)
25/04/2009
I will forever remember you the way John Currin intended:
“she’s so Lucky, she’s a star…”
25/04/2009
[the following convo took place after I was gifted with the most phenomenal site which shall remain nameless]
moi: holy. fucking. shit.
this could be the greatest website of all time
you have officially blown my mind
Jimmy: piece it back together lady, you’ve got some mp3’s to make
moi: it’s like I have all this power and don’t know what to do with it
Jimmy: that’s the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me
that and, “LOOK EVERYONE JIMMY HAS BRIT BRIT ON HIS IPOD”
“they say geniuses pick green.”
25/04/2009
One of my oldest friends created a fab website to show moms how to become more eco-friendly. So of course I had to write about it: Green Mama
photo by: Joe Larson
cuteness: Sydney Larson
“boy you got it so wrong, when you look into her eyes and all you really see is your mom.”
25/04/2009
curiosity killed…
25/04/2009
