the peanut gallery

[the following convo took place after I was gifted with the most phenomenal site which shall remain nameless]

moi: holy. fucking. shit.
this could be the greatest website of all time
you have officially blown my mind
Jimmy: piece it back together lady, you’ve got some mp3’s to make
moi: it’s like I have all this power and don’t know what to do with it
Jimmy: that’s the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me
that and, “LOOK EVERYONE JIMMY HAS BRIT BRIT ON HIS IPOD”

I was asked to contribute a post for a dating blog [insert laugh here] which ultimately never came to fruition, but I thought the juxtaposition of me attempting to enlighten others on the trials and tribulations of love was too good not to share:

Change is inevitable. It’s not always easy, but I find, more often than not, that it’s for the best. When one of my closest friends jumped the pond because a certain lad made her realize a certain four-letter word was the most important one in her vocabulary, I was gutted. Much like the time I discovered I desperately needed to find alternative dinner options since the entire staff at Cheese Plus had memorized my eating habits. But with the sour comes the sweet. The best part of her departure is that it prompted me to re-evaluate the variables in my life, and I started wondering if my “singledom” was a result of the gods, or my own hand?

An independent lifestyle (read: sans partner) is a fickle fiend. One minute you’re completely content grabbing gimlets with the girls, or staying in to catch up on True Blood; the next you find yourself wondering if fate is ever going to deal you a winning hand as you stalk your newly attached pals’ Facebook pages to try and get a residual high off of their happiness. All of the sudden it hits you like a ton of bricks that an extra blanket doesn’t give you quite the same kind of warmth a spooning arm does.

I decided if she could be bold and throw caution to the wind; then so could I. Instead of waiting in the wings for a guy to notice me, I needed to leap out of my comfort zone and do a little role reversal. For my own romantic sanity, I needed to [gulp] ask someone out. What’s the worst that could happen, I go home alone and full of self-doubt? I just call that, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday and Friday.

Perhaps it’s a naïve point of view, but if I hold the power to produce my own outcome, then maybe I’m actually doing something right in all the wrongs I’ve committed because I’m learning from them. And maybe, one day (hopefully in the not so distant future), that four-letter word will take the lead in the dramatic work that is my life.

Update: I’ve had several dates with a strapping young man and I think it’s getting serious.

Update #2: I should probably mention that he’s 5…

toilets and I do not get along.

fact.

I once ran over a small child with a golf cart.

fact.

she lived to see another day.

fact.

I have a fantastical imagination.

fact.

I try to root my fantasies in reality so they have the potential of actually coming true.

fact.

a hockey skater skated over my pinkie when I was 6.

fact.

Papa Smurf had to come out on the ice and tell all the kids to disregard the blood, it’s ok to skate.

fact.

I once farted during a fencing lesson.

fact.

It didn’t take away from the fact that it was a great lunge.

fact.

I am the man who will fight for your honor…

wait, no, that’s Peter Cetera.